Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important