Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.