he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.