So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left