Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
