It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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