You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
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The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
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I can't turn off my feet"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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