shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
