just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
