so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
