Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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