my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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