the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
