I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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