my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
