i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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