Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
