"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
