she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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