i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
