Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
