I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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