You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
