what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
