o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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