You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I looked at my own cervix.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
