U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
