So squirting runs in the family.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
