When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
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I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
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i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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