She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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