2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Randomize
