I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i was born a porn star she said
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
