I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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