just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
