Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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