So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
