so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
