doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude i'm inner monologue high
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
