yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
