if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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