Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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