I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
