Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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