i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
