I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
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I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
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There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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