Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
