Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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