my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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