We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
