She's JV to your varsity
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
