He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
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No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
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A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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