you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
