your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
