New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
