Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
