Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
