Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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