woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I love you. Go after that dick
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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